Grease for Peace

I found this quote in the newspaper last week. Man does it fit! It made me think of all the ways I’ve grown in the past year. I’ve grown up so much, yet I’m still a little girl inside. I’m not a very comfortable person, meaning I’m not comfortable giving others control, but that’s changed. I’ve let people have control over my life…wait, I’ve actually only let one person have control over my life. And you know what I like it, I like that we think the same, he’ll drive my car, he’ll support me in my times of need, he calls me on my issues, he pays for my dinner and movies, etc.  I’ve never been one to just get in a car and go with no word about where we were going, but I have now…I’m kinda proud of myself.
So, what started as a friendship, and still is, has me thinking about more. Problem is I now don’t know what to do. Do I fess up, like I haven’t been dropping hints…or do I just let it go? See Difficulties…I know our friends are giving him shit about us and I’ve had to deal with it too. Can’t everyone leave us alone? Let us figure it out on our own.

Thanks to someone for putting the thought of dating him in my brain…once again it gets me in trouble.

Someone told me last night that I try too hard.  And you know what, he was right.  I try to hard at relationships, at work, at play.  It must be my nature to try too hard.  It seems like if I don’t try harder then I’m not a sucess.

I know what he was talking about thou…its relationships.  He was my first ‘crush’, love, whatever you want to call it, and I tried too hard and in my mind we were perfect for each other.  That’s another thing, my mind keeps me in trouble, but that’s another post.  But reality was we probably never would have made it to 6 months.  He’s a great friend and I still have a soft spot for him in my heart and I always will.  He’s the person that smacks me in the forehead and tells me what my heart and mind already know when I’m too stubborn to listen to myself.  And man I’m stubborn!
So I try too hard, yes, but when I don’t try I get crappy, stupid realtionships that are meaningless and I hate myself for being in them.

On the other hand, I’m also a big chicken and won’t fess up my feelings until its too late.

So thank you, for always taking the time to talk to me.  Even when I’m crying my eyes out and its 9 o clock at night and I’m an emotional mess.  It means so much to me to talk to you and have you ’smack’ me around a little.

Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.

Found on someone’s refridge while doing a fume prep on Wednesday.