Mierda Del Toro…Its A Fine Art

In my years of living, I’ve learned that there are two paths to take in life. There’s the path, where you feel so good about your life at the moment, that everything seems right and you know you are doing what you are supposed to do with your life and then there’s the path that makes you feel miserable all the time. You may not realize how miserable you are until you find the other path…but no matter what you do, you feel as if something is just not right, sometimes you know why and sometimes you just haven’t figured it out yet.

I’ve learned that it is so much easier following the path you are supposed to follow versus forcing yourself along the path that makes you crazy. Everyone wants to be happy and the only way to be happy is to follow the path that will take you there. So, I’ve learned that in making decisions, I have to go with what gives me a good feeling. If for any reason I have the slightest bit of doubt in a decision, I just won’t go with it. A few months ago, I thought I was being a little fussy by not accepting a job offer, because I had the slightest tinge or hint of discomfort…I really didn’t know if I would get a more competitive offer or not at the time and I felt like I was being forced into taking it. As a matter of fact, I even sent the offer back for a counter offer…finding it just didn’t quite meet what I wanted, yet the people giving it to me were acting like I would be nuts not to jump on it.

About a day before I had to make my final decision, I received a much more competitive offer with the company I am with now. Now I know that I wasn’t merely being fussy…I saw something better in this other company and when I went in for the interview I felt completely and totally relaxed, the people there put me at ease. People were friendly, they seemed busy, but not cuthroat and it truly looked and felt like a team environment. I knew I wouldn’t have to slave for 12 hours a day everyday of the week, I’d just have to do my job and if I wanted to further my career, I could do so on my terms and at my own pace…and I would be evaluated fairly. So, I took the offer…and I suddenly felt like this big weight was lifted off my shoulders.

We came up here on a holiday week and checked the area out…found a nice house to rent for a fair rental price, in less than 3 days. Everything happened quickly and seemed like it happened so easily. The relocation package was more than I could have asked for and things went pretty smoothly. The only bump along the way was that the moving company was a couple of days late delivering our stuff to our house…which left us next to no time to unpack and launder work clothes for Monday morning…but somehow we managed to get it all done…probably had to do with the help we had from my mom and a couple of friends.

All I can say is that I’ve been taking that first path ever since I made the decision to take the offer for this job. This has been a really good move for us! I didn’t realize how depressed and miserable I was in our previous situation until now. I know it was kind of a no brainer that I didn’t like my job, my apartment, or the city we were living in…among a plethora of other things I’d rather not discuss. But now I know how badly I was treated at my last job and how much I just swept under the rug and shrugged off, so I could silently and strategically plan my escape. My last two weeks there I was called a “Putz” with a smile from my then, former manager (not my last manager there) multiple times…and you know, even though he said it in a joking way with a smile, it didn’t really feel like he was joking. He wouldn’t have said it if he wasn’t thinking it.

Its just nice to be at a place where my gender isn’t an issue. My former manager didn’t know how to deal with young female engineers…because I was officemates and friends with another girl (who wasn’t an engineer and someone he valued more than I), he thought I was like her…so he treated me “like a girl.” When he finally figured out that I really didn’t go for that, he tried to treat me “like a guy,” hence the “putz” comment and several other palsy boyish comments he made to me in his time of being my manager. He just couldn’t treat me as a fellow engineer/human, he had to make a subconscious issue about gender. At this new job, the work population is so diverse that no one can make a gender issue, a race issue, an age issue, etc…and people work together with mutual respect for one another. I feel like I died and went to heaven! Finally, I feel as I did when I was in college. I’m a female engineer and no one is making an issue about it, because I am just another engineer, I have a brain, I have a lot to offer, and my qualities are being recognized as such.

So, what more do I have to say? Follow the path that gives you comfort and feels right, because that is the path you were meant to follow, don’t force yourself to go down the path thats uncomfortable…its uncomfortable because you aren’t supposed to follow it!