Mierda Del Toro…Its A Fine Art

I’ve wanted to respond to each comment left in the previous post about losing our baby, James. Even though I am doing a lot better than I was when I wrote that post, I’m just not better enough to address everyone individually. I’m not sure when I will be, I know it will be one day within the year, because grieving usually takes about a year to go through completely. Unfortunately, I know that from previous experience. I wanted to thank all of you for leaving comments and keeping us in your thoughts and prayers. We really appreciate it and I think all this positive thinking for us is helping a great deal.

I finally returned to work about 2 weeks ago. I couldn’t stand being away from work for so long. I know that sounds quite ironic, when less than a year ago, I was writing about how much I dreaded my job and I was really starting to dread my profession altogether. But, changes are good and they renewed my love of Engineering. I was totally missing the daily interaction with my co-workers. Although most of them are quite quirky, that is what I like most about them. Everyone is truly their own individual, which I really appreciate. Being home for a month was trying, the last week I thought I was going to claw at the walls of the house. My doctors wanted me to take 6 weeks off, which would have been two weeks more, because although I didn’t carry to full term, I still experienced full labor and delivery and everything that comes postpartum, except the depression. I wasn’t having any of that, I had to get back for my own sanity.

I didn’t experience too much of a postpartum depression, this was probably because I wouldn’t let myself dwell too much on what had happened and I wouldn’t let that escalate into a full on pity party. I tried to make the best use of my time and do things that naturally lift my spirits. Which means a lot of knitting, a lot of fresh baked chocolate chip cookies, lots of positive thinking and kicking the bad thoughts to the curb, and a constant search for silly movies.

I couldn’t really go anywhere during my month long hiatus without someone being with me. Even a few weeks after delivering James, I was still getting dizzy from walking to more than one shop in the mall and any trips I made to the store had to be short, because I would get tired and faint. When I went back to work, the nurse instructed me not to lift anything heavy or exert myself physically. So, I have pretty much been stuck to my desk…which is ok, because I have had a lot of desk type work to catch up on. However, this week, I have felt a million times better than the first day back to work. I’m regaining my energy and my stamina, a lot of that is probably due to the fact that things are starting to feel like they are getting back to normal.

The week I went back to work, I decided to go back to Weight Watchers as well. Since, I’ve got no one to breast feed, I’ve got no one to help me lose the baby fat a little quicker. It had not been coming off much at all in the past month. So, back to Weight Watchers I went. After I delivered James, I made a decision that I was not going to be as heavy as I was when we conceived him, with the next child. The last month I was pregnant was getting very difficult on my foot that I injured last year. The feet swelling was making the Morton’s Neuroma act up and it really started to hurt to walk on my left foot. The swelling and the extra weight was very painful and I probably would have had to have that taken care of if I had been pregnant to full term. The first week at WW, I lost 6.6 pounds, which was really good. Hopefully, my second week will be successful as well.

Well, that is about all that has been going on with me in the past 6 weeks. I just thought I would say thank you to everyone and give you all an update on how we are doing.