Crazy is something I am familiar with…maybe a bit too familiar with. I’ve never been deemed crazy, insane or mentally/ emotionally unstable. A little whimsical, or maybe a touch on the bold side in an interesting situation? Sure, I can be considered guilty of that. Unstable for any length of time longer than an hour? Nope, I’m pretty even keeled. Its never been a problem with me.
However, I do know crazy. Here’s my run down list of Clinical Crazies:
- Schizophrenic cousin
- Had a Bipolar friend in HS
- Had a Clinically Depressed friend in HS all the way through my Bachelor’s Degree
- Have a friend with a Bipolar brother
- Have a friend who seriously cannot tell the difference between reality and fantasy…and to this day they don’t have a solid name for the disorder she has.
I have had those friends and family members that have never been deemed unstable, but that I’ve had suspicions about:
- Ex-boyfriend who was molested, had severe abandonment issues and did not know the definition of a boundary
- Family members who cannot help being extreme pack rats and have to control everything
- Family member who is almost too huge to walk and refuses to leave the house or see a doctor
- Family member who still curses her ex-husband about a house, barely gets along with her children and is barely sober whenever I talk her.
- Family member who pretty much bailed on her entire family in favor of her drug “recovering”, abusive boyfriend
- Family member who hides in his office when people come over and rarely speaks to anyone in the family but his wife and has to have complete and utter control over everything his wife does or everywhere she goes.
That’s just my immediate family and my friends over the years…I didn’t even mention my in-laws or my husband’s side of the family.
Like I said, I know crazy. Most of these people who are “unstable” are still loving people that I deeply care for; they are also rather harmless towards me. However, some of them have been very harmful to me. For this reason, I have had to cut them from my life to preserve my own sanity. I know its not nice to bail on someone when they get a diagnosis for what their problem is, but when the object of their obsession becomes yourself, all you can do is cut ties and pray for that person you had to cut ties with. Although you may sincerely care for their well being, sometimes you have to do what is best for you. You can’t continue being the object of their obsession, because you care about them. Sometimes, it is best for both of you to end the relationship.
So, why bring all this up? The last 90210 episode where Silver goes crackers is why I am bringing this up. Silver has Bipolar disorder…well DUH! If you had to watch this episode to figure that out…then you probably don’t know someone who has this disorder. Anyhow, I am wondering how this is going to play out in future episodes and what they are going to say abut people who stay in relationships that are the object of their obsession. When I say object of the obsession, I’m referring to people who hear things like, “You’re the most important thing to me,” after they do something inexcusable…or they are a target of the bad juju…like getting your tires slashed, etc.
It can be quite scary when you are that person. Your life gets thrown just as out of control as theirs, and all you can do is remove yourself until their medication is under control. Sometimes, this never happens and you can’t stick around to find out.
From my experience of being the object of obsession, this person will use all kinds of tactics to manipulate you into still being their friend, or they will do all kinds of things to hurt you, because they want to be like you. I didn’t say it had to make sense, it rarely ever does.
My Bipolar friend tried very hard to be me and steal my friends. The tactics she went to were absolutely sick. Her tactics ranged from harmlessly toilet papering my house to leading one of my male friends to believe that I sent this sick and disgustingly sexual newspaper/magazine clipping collage of a love letter. I couldn’t call it a love letter, it was a p0rn letter, absolutely gross. When I had enough, I told her that I knew what she was up to, what she was doing and to not ever talk to me again. I also told her that I was going to tell the rest of my friends what she was doing, because she had them so manipulated and they had no idea what was happening.
The next day, she didn’t come to school and as it turned out, she never came back to school. She went off her rocker Silver-style and was diagnosed Bipolar. She went off to live with family in a different state that could care for her needs. At first, I thought it was my fault she didn’t come back to school. I felt terrible that I had ridden this girl out of school. However, I found out that it wasn’t me, she was very sick. Although I still cared for her, because of her actions while she was sick, I couldn’t risk still being her friend. What if she forgot to take her medication? What if it stopped working? I could not stick around to find out, for my own safety.
As it turns out, when I was in my first couple years of college, she lifted my email address from a mutual friend’s forwarded email and decided to email me. In her email, she told me about her life. It was sooo eerily similar to what I thought I wanted out of college and HS when we were friends. I took a totally different path than what she and I discussed. Then she proceeded to accuse myself of having issues with my sanity…then she asked to be friends with me again! She probably hadn’t taken her medication that day. At this point it had been at least 3 years since I last spoke to her. I replied with a very brief email, not giving her any information about myself and told her we could not be friends.
My other crazy was Clinically Depressed and I was one of his objects of obsession. He used to manipulate me into dating him, seeing him, fooling around with him, etc. Although, he never wanted to commit to me, claiming I could hurt him too much too easily if I left him. For years, I blamed myself. I thought I wasn’t smart enough, pretty enough….I though I wasn’t enough for him. The one day he told me he had been diagnosed with Depression. So, I was there for him, every bit as much as I could be. I’d talk to him anytime he called, texted or IM’ed. We became each others’ confidants like we were in HS. I loved and cared for him deeply.
Then one night, he manipulated me into seeing him. This was a big mistake. Although we talked, it was always at a distance. We both knew we could not be friends if I saw him in person, alone, because he didn’t know how to be “just friends” with me. At the time, he had a girlfriend. So, I got to his house and he manipulated me into making out with him. It is important to note that I was attracted to him, had been for years. I was always the girl he tried to fool around with in between girlfriends or during girlfriends.
After that night, I was done. I was pissed at myself for falling into his trap of manipulation. I told him that he had to choose. He couldn’t be my friend anymore, it was either me and only me or his girlfriend. He strung that along for weeks and ended up proposing to his girlfriend. Not only that, but then he told all our mutual friends about what happened and played the “she’s crazy” card. Luckily for me, my friends weren’t buying it, because they know me better than that. To this day, I won’t talk to him or accept any of his emails, because I can’t be involved in his life without losing myself and my mind. I still care about him and hope he is happy, but its better for me, not to be involved or be his friend.
I have one more crazy story like these, but to this day I don’t think he has ever gone in for a psych eval, and I’ve already wasted enough web space on talking about him for my liking.
Sometimes, you have to cut a little bit of crazy from your life. Sometimes, it is the only way to preserve yourself. I hope 90210 doesn’t send out the wrong message.
Last but not least…maybe if more of us respected Mental Health in this country and didn’t put such a stigma on people seeking help for their Mental Health, there would be a lot more healthy people and a lot less problems with society. If I struck a nerve with anyone, I’m sorry, these are just my experiences. If you could relate with some of the people I mentioned in this post, please seek help, even if you think you don’t need it. Everyone now and again can benefit from some Therapy. I know I have…and its a lot easier to deal with whatever is going on if you can talk about it.
