I've been working on THE THESIS a whole hell of a lot lately, hence the lack of blogging activity.  And when I really wanted to blog, the night of Feb 14th, I refrained.  See…I don't want to shoot myself in the ass.  Since I don't know whether or not the person in question has figured out that I blog or where I blog…but since her daughter knows I'm on myspace, it really wouldn't be hard to figure out…I've refrained.  No need to encourage the mentally unstable to be even more unstable or to give the mentally unstable more reasons to hate.

Plus, I'm trying this new thing…Its called "Positive Thought" and dwelling on her actions would give me bad juju and it would affect that "Positive Thought."  In order to have good things come into your life you have to focus on that which makes you feel good and find gratitude for all that gives you bad juju and envision the future you desire and have faith that the future you desire will become your future.  Focusing on the past only hinders this.  Moving on is actually quite easy.  Its easier to be healthy than it is to be unstable, because it feels better to be healthy.  So lets focus on the good things, shall we?

I'm happy to be living my life the way I want to live it and I am grateful for:

• My wonderful husband
• My wonderful family, we have been through a lot together
• My awesome friends
• My puppers Miss BB
• My education and all those that contributed to it
• The ability to be financially independent from all parental units
• All the ups and downs of my life that made me the person I am
• My blogging friends
• My health
• My life
• All the things I am grateful for that I have not mentioned.

Now for how I want to live my life in the future.

I want to be able to have a home based business with the following qualifications:

• It will allow Mikey and myself to work together
• It will allow us to be our own bosses
• It will allow us to raise a family
• It will be fruitful
• It will align with both of our passions
• It will allow us to be happy with it
• It will allow us to think positively about money

So, this detailed request is being sent out to the universe.  In the meantime, I will be envisioning what my life will be like once we attain this and I will be free and open to the ideas that will flow to us on how to make this request a reality.  I currently don't know how it will happen, I just know that it will and that the hows will be found.

I will no longer continue to waste anymore of my valuable time on cases that cannot be fixed, because I deserve better and "Positive Thought" will course through my veins and my brain.

Anyhow, yesterday I finally finished Mikey’s sweater. It needs some major blocking before he can wear it. The sleeves are a bit long and blocking will just help shape the sweater more. After that is all done, I’ll have him pose for a picture. Since you all know how much I like to put my knitting projects on live models! Normally, Miss BB is my model, since the only sweaters I have knitted before his, were for Miss BB.

Today, I’m at the IL’s watching the superbowl. Well, I am supposed to be working on my thesis while the menfolk engross themselves in the game. So, I will start working on that shortly. I’ve put some new features to this blog…I don’t know if any of you have noticed. First, I now have a section called suggested pitstops. These are links I find throughout the week and would like to share with y’all…they aren’t blogs necessarily…sometimes they are flash cartoons, news articles, etc. The other thing I have done is organize some of my series posts. You can either click on the link provided to see what I did or you can go to my categories and find Series and go that way. Fun and exciting stuff, I know!

As for my foot, it still hurts to walk on and I’m still using the crutches outside the apartment. In the apartment I can bump into and hang on to various objects to get around without the crutches. You can see how much I really don’t like them. The doctor told me I should practice writing the alphabet in the air with my foot to give it some rehab. Well, I can’t do it. I mean, it doesn’t hurt to do it, but I send the signal to my foot to move this way and that and it will do half the action I tell it too. So my capital As look like upside down Us and my Bs look all jagged like. I still can’t point my toe…again, it doesn’t hurt, it just won’t work. At any rate, they said to go back if it doesn’t start to improve in a week or so. I think I tore something and that kinda scares me.

This week I haven’t had to cook dinner since I injured myself…which is nice. The first night, we did Restaurants Express…it was a small fortune to get something other than pizza delivered to us. Mikey didn’t want to go out and grab food. Then Friday, my mom brought us dinner and had dinner at our place. I guess Susan was DYING to see me. Susan and I spent all last Saturday together while my mom went to work…so she HAD to SEE ME. Since I hurt my foot, she wanted to see it and find out all about it like most kids do when you have a boo-boo. So, Friday night we had this delicious takeout Italian food! Its one of my favorite places to eat at and I hadn’t had it in almost a year.

Then last night, Mikey got us some Subway. Its weird not cooking, cause I am so used to it now. Tonight, we are doing dinner at the ILs…without the SIL…but she has called about 20 times already today, giving my MIL a play by play of every moment of her day as it happens…up to date news coming right at you!

So, that’s what has been going on. My next knitting projects include knitting for my friend, Anna’s baby, Caleb. I’ve got a baby blanket started, then I have a hat to knit, some booties to knit and a sweater to knit him. All these projects except for the blanket are supposed to be pretty quick knits. I’ll be sure to show you all that stuff when I finish it, or as I finish it. Its sad because I had planned to do this before his arrival, but life got too busy, so he’ll get it after I’m finished and hopefully he won’t outgrow it before it gets to him. I’m planning on knitting everything the next size or two up so he can wear it during their winter anyhow (they live in Australia).

This is especially for Norina, in case Anna hadn’t emailed you about his arrival…but all my registered members get to see it too. A picture of the little guy…

Hope you all had a good weekend!

So, I'm here, doing said, easy overtime. Overnight testing, gotta love it! I get to babysit equipment from 4pm to 2am. AND, I came in a little early (noon) to get some other work done before my big testing stretch.

Its just me and one co-worker, so we are switching off. I do a few hours, he does a few hours, excetera. So, this is the perfect oportunity to get some blogging done and to catch up on my thesis and such. After I'm done writing this, I'm hooking up my computer and watching Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (because I'm a nerd and bought the brand spanking new movie at Target for $3.98).

I have gotten to read some of your blogs this week, but I haven't gotten the time to comment, because I wanted to catch up on everyone's weekend. I probably won't comment tonight either, because lab computer = multiple users to one account = someone might get to know my personal email = track to my friend's blogs = track to my blog, eventually. That is unless I spend some time in my office tonight, which I will probably do later on.

This is a true rarity, because I hardly ever post from work, because I can't access the domain from here. I blocked the company out. I also cannot post by email because of my hosting service, it doesn't allow this one function in some PHP library that would allow me to do it. However, I found this cool thing at:

It allows me to post remotely…kind of like how flickr does (except flickr will only let me do it with a picture). As you can tell, there were some really dull moments at work where I really wanted to post and couldn't and eventually found a way to do it. Did I say I'm a NERD? Did I also say that I AM ADDICTED TO BLOGGING!?

I feel real bad if I don't post everyday. I don't know why that is. I have this inherent need to document my life for perfect strangers to read…ok, not all of you are strangers, most of you are my dear bloggy friends. But yeah, I feel like if I haven't posted, my life wasn't that interesting that day…either that or the day was too devastating to do a play by play on. Thats usually those days that I post a lot of bullshit, so I guess that means thats most days.

Alright, I'm going. Maybe, I'll post later on too!

1. I got absolutely NOTHING done today at the retirement home. Too many people bugging me about one thing or another. I think I got about 20 minutes of work in my shift. Sad, huh?
2. The Piper has been paid for the week…the Piper being my thesis advisor and the payment being a new draft of the thesis.
3. I got my grad check in for processing so that I can FINALLY graduate, next quarter. YAY for me!
4. I got about 10 more pages done for my thesis this weekend, which has proven to be the most productive weekend of this quarter. My plan is to have it finished by Jan 1st.
5. Mikey and I have started to fight over which set of ‘Rents get us for Xmas Eve. We had originally planned to go to his parents’ house…but then my mom decided to prove a point and said since they got us for Thanksgiving, she wants us for Xmas Eve. Why does my mom have to be such a Four Star General about making political family moves such as this? And why does Mikey’s mom have to hog us this year? I’m about ready to say, “Fuck IT!” and just stay home for the holidays. You can see his version of the story over here.
6. Still anticipating the Thanksgiving drama that will undoubtedly unfold. I’ve decided that if things get ugly, I’m leaving. I will not put up with that shit.
7. I’m looking forward to Midnight Madness shoping with Beckey on Thanksgiving night!
8. I’ve decided that Tim Allen is my absolute least favorite actor/comedian to date. His movies are so damn lame and all of them are the same “Tim (The Tool Man) Taylor” part revisited. Really shows the depth of his ability to act…which is such a surprisingly shallow depth to me. I’m picky about acting abilities…can you tell? I used to be a Drama child…I know the difference between acting and playing yourself in movies and TV. I had an excellent Drama Teacher, Mr G! I need to go visit him one of these days. Tim Allen, Steve Martin, Will Ferrel…all play the same fucking part movie in and movie out. Now, Keanu Reeves may be the dumbest actor to date, but by God the man can act…atleast he can play different parts…not many, but enough…and lately he is getting the head shake under control pretty well (you know the one…it screams a big Bill and Ted, “69 DUDE!”). My God he’s pretty, he is just so damn dumb! Atleast his publicist is smart and doesn’t let him do a lot of televised interviews…which brings me to say that eventhough Keanu Reeves is stupid, he is smarter than Britney Spears, because at least he lets his publicist control the gigs…unlike Britney’s Pre-KFed Breakup interview a while back.

   My favorite male actor is John Travolta, for his versatility in his acting ability…my favorite actress has got to be Jodie Foster, because of the same reasons, but also because she only picks the most clever roles…you will never find Jodie Foster in a mundane role, a role that doesn’t matter and the characters she chooses to play are some of the most powerful female roles I’ve ever seen in a movie…Gweneth Paltrow comes in a close second, because of her recent work that I have seen, her repertoire is starting to get my attention, that and she is absolutely stunning as an actress…the camera loves her. Enough dramaspeak, its time for bed.

Good Night, Blogsphere!

So, yesterday, I played hooky from work. Here’s a conversation with a co-worker of mine:

Co-worker: I saw you yesterday, briefly, where’d you go?
Me: I snapped. I had one of those “Fuck it, I’m leaving cause I’ve got too much shit to take care of and work is wasting my time” moments. So, I turned everything off and left.
Co-worker: Oh, I have those moments everyday around 4:30pm.
Me: It was 9:30am when I had that moment. I only came in at 9:00am.
Co-worker: Oh…I’m down with that!

That folks, is pretty much what happened. I had some brief conversations with some co-workers who were kind of in a bitchy mood already and I couldn’t deal with that and everything else that has been going on in my head…so I left. Mind you, I have no more paid time off for the year (I done fucked myself on PTO with the Honeymoon), so I’ll be paying for it the rest of the week with shoving 40 hours into 4 days, but the important thing is that I had a “Take back control of my life” day, yesterday.

I have desperately needed my PC to write my thesis on. I’m too cheap to buy Microsoft Office for Macs and NeoOffice, while great with most things, doesn’t handle advanced math equations well if converting from Word and Word can’t read NeoOffice’s advanced math equations. My thesis is primarily math that would make your head take several spins (aka exorcist style) if you looked at it. Mikey thought it was another language…I was like, “No honey, its the universal language of math. Its just that this math is a bit beyond most people’s comprehension.” So, you could see how much I needed something that was standard. My professor was having a shitty time reading my equations on his PC. Sucks for me, but whatever. So, I took a trip to my mom’s house right after I left work. I picked up my PC (she was using it for a while because my brother’s p0rn addiction killed hers and it had to be reimaged) and my Egg Mc Muffin Maker (I haven’t had one in months!).

Since I was in my old town and I was between the hours of 10am and 4:30pm, I decided to go down to the animal shelter that I adopted Miss BB at, so I could get her sterilization certificate, so I could finally get her licensed. I have been trying to get this thing for a while now and finally they said I could have it if I walked in. Well, I get there and they gave me something that should make the OC Animal Shelter happy, not the sterilization certificate (because SURPRISE! They didn’t do the sterilization, she came to them already sterilized and her previous owner didn’t leave the certificate with them.) So, I headed home with my little car stuffed with hardware.

Since I was on my way home and I had everything I needed, I decided to go down to the Animal Shelter in the OC to get Miss BB’s license. I lied to the guy behind the counter, flirted a little, told him I have been living here less than a month and I’m a newly wed…all that stuff. He bought my story and I only had to pay $21.00 for Miss BB’s license. If I hadn’t lied I would have had to pay $75.00 to get her licensed because I was late on getting it.

Then I went home, had some lunch and decided to go get my hair cut and my nails done. A few hours later, I got home and Mikey had just gotten home right before me. He liked my new do, its on the shorter side, shorter than I am used to, but its cute and she thinned out my crazy thick hair. I am generally pleased with it. The lady who did my nails did a crappy job, not as crappy as I have had it, but crappy. When I got home, I had to do some follow up work on them. I’m not impressed. I liked the girl who did them a few weeks ago, but this woman was clearly doing a rush job and not really paying any attention to my nails much less how I said I wanted them done. The whole time she was stressing me out because she kept getting up and rushing around the place. It wasn’t even THAT busy. So, next time I go there, if I don’t see the girl I like, I’ll just take a raincheck. How hard is it to do a fill or get a decent one these days?

So, after that I felt recharged, like I got some stuff done for once. I just realize that if I don’t relax and take some more control on how I’m being shoved around at work and in life (I really take some shit from people and I don’t say a word, because I don’t want to waste my breath on someone who doesn’t even realize they are being an idiot) I’m gonna die in the retirement home (aka work) before I’m 30 from a heart attack from too much stress. I internalize way too much and I just need to let go and find some more “me” time. Life’s too short.

Anyhow, thats a little story how I took a negative thing (Snapping) and turned it into a positive thing by taking back a little bit of control in my life.

Tomorrow night, I’ll do my post on my surgery stuff.

So, I’ve been busy lately…if you haven’t noticed. On my checklist of crap thats been on my mind…This is what has been completed:

1. Thank you notes for the wedding gifts
2. Thesis
3. Getting my first plugin up in public view
4. Migrating Grease for Peace from Blogger to Word Press
5. Getting Lost Lexie’s Word Press blog structured
6. Getting Lost Lexie’s posts migrated over to my server
7. Upgrading my blog from WP 2.0.4 to 2.0.5
8. Upgrading some plugins for my blog
9. Upgrading We Got Married and All I Got Was This Blog from WP 2.0.4 to WP 2.0.5
10. Give Miss BB a little fur face trim
11. Buy Mikey his iPod Nano
12. Finish unpacking from moving in
13. Finish my 2004-2005 scrapbook
14. Finish Susan’s scrapbook
15. Switch my Medical Group to an OC Medical Group
16. Do the laundry
17. Buy new jeans…got embarassing holes in the current pair
18. Get Nails Done
19. Get Hair Cut

I feel like I accomplished a little bit. At least now, really, all I have to worry about between now and December 1st, is working on my thesis. Some of that other stuff is now off my mind.

Do you ever feel like you are being buried in task upon task? Or that having something unfinished is weighing you down to the point that you can’t focus on it? I feel like that a lot lately. Like there just aren’t enough hours in the day to get anything of substantial worth finished. It really stresses me out and makes me run from important things and procrastinate on everything. That is how I have been feeling for the past 6 months. Life has not calmed down since waaay before the wedding. I wish it would and all the stress just makes me want to quit doing everything, including getting out of bed in the morning.

If that isn’t bad enough, I’ve also had this other thing weighing on me all year long. The thing I have to have surgery for next month. It makes it worse. Everytime another procedure fails to do what it is supposed to do, it makes me lose complete and total focus on everything for about 2 weeks at the least. Its very detrimental to me. The last 2 weekends, I was so upset and not with the world that I watched MTV reality TV shows for the entire weekend. It was like I needed anything I could find to detach from my life and numb myself of what I was thinking and feeling. It was totally pissing Mikey off, because I just wasn’t all here at all. Last week, I did not cook dinner once, doesn’t happen very much. I also ate way too much frozen cookie dough than one person should consume in a week…but I didn’t eat much else.

If I could have prevented it, I would have. But the thing is, when I got what is afflicting me, no one really knew much about it. There weren’t the things they have now (just 3 years later) that could have helped me then. I hate it. I’ve let it consume me and I’m trying to stop letting it win, but it isn’t that easy.

So, I’ve start. I made a checklist of things I want to get accomplished presently. I’m not looking past December, because in the state that I’m at, the future tasks would just overwhelm me. I’ve decided to go back to Weight Watchers this week, it gives me back my control over my eating habits and makes me feel like I have control over something, when I know that I have very little control over anything. Also, eating better makes me feel better. I’ve also decided to write about what I have that is causing me to have to have surgery.

It isn’t pretty and I’ve decided that the post will be completely private. Some of you want to know what is wrong and are worried its something serious, like organ transplants or something…its not. So, I will post about it, but only my registered readers will be able to read it. I ask that if you decide to read, keep your mind out of the realm of judging. I’ve done enough of that myself about myself that I could judge myself far better than anyone could judge me. I’ve beaten myself up over it and I still do. It needs to stop right now. I need to get a grip and I am hoping it will be a theraputic exercise, something that will let me let go of the anger and emotion involved in this horrid process. I need support and I’m tired of my support group consisting of a few people who really don’t know what is going on completely, nor do some of them really care (or maybe that’s just me projecting).

You can expect to see that post up in the next couple of days.

Sorry about that. I’ve got too many people riding my ass these days…Anyone else want a ride? I’ve got my advisor riding my ass hard with thesis stuff and I’ve got work riding my ass hard (like always). I’ve got Mikey riding my ass hard to clean up the mess in the living room, that I left after I got home from conference. Think clothes, conference freebies all in a pile. He is also riding my ass hard to get the “Thank You” notes done and out the door this week. I’ve gotten about half way through. In addition, I decided to sign up for a Creative Memories scrapbooking retreat this weekend, cause I am clinically insane and really need one more thing to overfill my cup in life. But its supposed to be fun and I’m hoping I can release some stress with being creative.

Oh yeah, and those little heartburn troubles…have been kicking my ass lately. I think its due to stress. But, I had a nightmare last night that someone was shooting me and I woke up with heinous heartburn that never quite went away all day. I still had aches from where it was, complete with back pain. Just lovely. The older I get the more stress wreaks havoc on my body and my health. After school is over with, I am going to look at rearranging my priorities again, so that I can unload some of that unneccessary stress. Those problems were either stress or eating at The Whole Enchilada last night, maybe a nice combo of both. All I know is, I’m never eating there again, or if I do, I am never going to accept on refried bean in my digestive system ever again (Its not even as if I like them at all, I just ate them because they were mixed in).

So, that is what has been going on. I’ll try to post daily again. Its just a bit hard right now. Bear with me, folks. I shall be back in all my glory, soon.